is for “Not Rock ‘n Roll”
There’s a lot in the world that rocks. And there’s at least three napkins worth of things that don’t rock. Below, a list of things that are decidedly not rock ‘n roll.
The full list:
Flightless birds, slim cigarettes, pastels, Michelob Ultra, roller blades, bubbles, public service, frozen yogurt, bungalows, pleated pants, cucumbers, town homes, Sunday School, lanyards, tiki torches, turtles (not tortoises), Yankee Candle Company, noise pollution, pineapple pizza, mnemonic devices, tea, Fisher Price, soccer, lotion, Splenda, coupons, parking tickets, poodles/small dogs, chess, truffle oil, the word “foodie”, Umbros, cuddling, pudding, popsicles, unicycles, Myrtle Beach, “fallen soldiers” (left-behind beers, for the uninitiated), tucked-in shirts, open-toed sandals, cloth napkins, helmets (bicycle), grammatical errors, basic cable, being a cobbler (overturned), Applebees, gift cards, Julia Roberts, Scientology, Whole Foods/Trader Joes, glow sticks, the band 311, Sublime fans, sedans, carpeting, coffee stirrers, International Delight, voting, Morrissey, unicorns, patio furniture, Julia Roberts (again), food courts, cotton candy bubble gum, Pontiac Aztec, Skechers, Segways as transport, fabric softener, purple trucks, shopping centers that call themselves “Villas”, last call